Interview w/ Grace Karam (FEED/Dirtnap)

I saw FEED live for the first time, in the summer of 2018. I had heard about them, that they were really, really good, but I wasn't prepared for this. They immediately became one of my favorite local act, and their live tape, released that year, was my favorite album from a local band in 2018.

Their singer, Grace Karam, is currently involved in a few other musical projects, is also quite active as a promoter for the montreal scene, and has strong opinions that they find very important to voice out. That's why I felt they were the perfect artist to talk to, for the first interview of this blog.

Enjoy, and don't forget to check out their work!

-----

First of, thanks for taking the time to share with us, it is much appreciated. Now let's start with a little introduction of who you identify as and what projects are you currently part of.

I am pansexual, non-binary and currently monogamous although polyamory is something I practiced and still adore, I finally came out quite recently to friends and the scene. I had an awkward come out as bisexual and polyamorous to my blood family, so I'm pulling in the reigns a bit.

I would say my main projects currently is Dirtnap and FEED. I also have projects still in the writing phase/nobody has time for them, and that's a grunge band called Trashtag, a more softcore punk queer band called They/Them, and a heavier metal/punk band called Pallor.

So where did you grow up and how would you describe your community back then. How much of an impact did it have on you? Because I noticed it's something you seem to find very important to be a part of, considering you do not just do your own thing, but you help promote other artists, you book shows, etc.

I grew up in the west island, homeschooled until I decided to go to John Rennie High School, sell weed and hustle like a motherfucker. My closest friends were musicians, artists, writers, and queer kids of every corner. I drew every day since childhood and my original plan was to become a tattoo artist. I hated that all my friends were struggling, young people of colour, LGBTQ+ kids that didnt always have money for lunch or didnt eat it all for financial or disorded-eating-related reasons. I saw what they created, but were to shy to get out there. We were all just so traumatized and terrified, and the comfort and resilience we found in our community was incredible. I sold drugs, and knew kids that did, as well as sold to kids that did them and we were all knee-deep in something. Yet we'd check in if we knew someone was getting sick or close to it. I saw the necessity of re-directing that energy to actually survive through addiction. I wanted to create that community, make it accessible, not white washed, and safe. I was and still am incredibly privileged, and I was and am just a face fronting to get all these weirdo kids together so they can thrive. I don't do much but flex my own shit and do a bit of planning, I see the creators and they make it happen, they produce and put on these community creating projects and events.

Was there a defining moment that made you say "ok i wanna get on a stage too." ?

Growing up I was always writing and reading, and that branched out into an obsession for music that morphed into writing about it. Art as well, because they go hand in hand. Without visual artists, who the fucks gonna make your album art, stickers, pins, and goddamn show posters?

All my close friends created, and they slowly taught me how to make music for myself and it was something I did for me to release all my pent up emotional pressure. Then in college I became friends with Dani, and she asked if I wanted to play in a band. Then Pussy Stench happened. So i guess it was a slow build-up, but always there. I actually still deal with a lot of social anxiety, I can just cope with it better.

A lot of punk women mention the whole riot grrrl movement, or bands labeled as such, as being very influential to them, but then there's also women who feel they are slapped this label, but don't really feel connected to it, and would rather try to escape the limits of gendered language. What's your opinion on this?

I really resonate with the riot grrrl movement because it created a hell of a gateway for confidence for women and femme artists to get out there and do something that is extremely stressful and even harder if you're not a cishet white guy. I feel it was necessary, but now promoters will literally use it to just have a "token" band so their line up isn't just cishet white guys. That's where it gets twisted and I do not want to get in to that. So yeah it's annoying when dudes hit you up being like, "can yall play this show your genre has nothing to do with just so we don't get heat from the crowd?". Go fuck yourself with that nonsense. Also, hitting up femme presenting band members who are actually non-binary with that shit is beyond offensive. I don't need to sell you through the hype about what we look like, I'm selling you through talent, content, and motive.

Let's talk about FEED. You folks have been together for a few years now, and have toured, both all over Canada and the US, and released one (amazing) live tape in 2018. How did you all get together and what was the intention behind creating this band?

WELL, I had the incredible opportunity to try out for FEED about a year after they started writing. I was trying out for Riot Porn when they were on a vocalist hiatus, but then it shifted towards FEED, and goddamn I was happy. Ty created FEED, and continues to pound out the most disgustingly gorgeous riffs on guitar and bass. They cared about the same things I did politically so I would sit down and go through lyrics with them. Gentrification, hating nazis, environmental degradation, mental health issues, corruption in governments, and living as a femme presenting person were all topics we wrote about and continue to do so. I'm in this because they believe in accessibility, community change and mobilization for causes.

Tell us a little about the touring lifestyle. How do you prepare for it mentally and what are the best parts of it for you, and the most challenging?

Well, I'm a workaholic. I do like weekends off for vacations otherwise, I'm saving up for tour lowkey. This last tour to the US I realized how much I missed my pals and partner so I had a bonfire and gave them gifts and told them how much they meant to me. It helped a lot, because we get so busy with tour and band stuff we can forget our supportive and loving friends who come out to shows, make art for them and are just fucking great humans. Another hard thing is being prepared for the worst, car breaking down, you get a gun pulled on you, someone steals gear. In that situation, talk to people around, they can be super helpful in directing you to a solution or helping you right away. Also, pay for the extra data on the rode. Who wants to miss their first show cause they took a wrong turn? The best parts, are seeing communities and how they function and create. I like to bring these things back or make connections so they can come to montreal.

I also am a huge flora and fauna nerd so seeing different nature on hikes and walks is so exciting for me! We toured with Marie Claude of Illicit this past summer and shes a horticulturalists and a great person to hang with so I was in heaven.

Can you please share some of your favorite memories from the road?

Well, we had a hook up to stay in an actual big house with a fucking hot tub...but it fell through. So we played this other show near the end of tour in BC and after the show we were drunk and ready to keep partying. Half of us wanted to go see the luminescent algea on the water, and then someone said there was a hotel with a hot tub close by so naturally these drunk punks stumbled our way on to hotel grounds we didnt even stay in and these two other dudes were already chilling in their swimming trunks. We just dove in naked and looking back that freaked some people out but it was so worth it.
There was a hippie vs punk fight on a mountain between the Kootenays of BC, but I wont go in to detail, ask me in person sometime.

Any tips for younger bands that would like to get a tour together?

YES, join DIY tour booking groups on facebook, instagram whatever you're on to get inside the community. Ask traveling people what punk houses or house venues there are where theyre from and get on it! Go to shows of out of town bands and talk to them! People in bands also book shows and their own tours, so dont be shy to ask! Also just going online and scouting, once you made a map of where you want to hit, google streetview that shit and check out possible venues you could play then message them.

Now let's talk about your solo project, Dirtnap. You've released "Mediocre Melodies" last year, an acoustic album with 7 great tracks. Can you tell us about it and what does it mean to you?

I just wanted to get something online, and make it lofi and basic. My buddy Mitch the accordion player behind City Rat Songster, who I met on tour two years ago recorded me in Montreal with a hand recorder type thing and then edited and sent them over to me. I liked the process and I felt comfortable, it was in my home at the time. I talk a lot about trauma, sexual and physical abuse I endured in romantic relationships, I talk about coming in to my queerhood and the dysphoria I experienced, the frustration of existing under capitalism. It's really about recovery from trauma, I was always filled with rage and that's what drew me to metal and punk. With Dirtnap I talk about silent suffering unleashed, stripped of shame or guilt really trying to do better. It's a simultaneous thank you to the community and a reminder fro myself.

Your voice really stands out on that album, and it's a wonderful one. Who are some of your favorite singers?

Aw shucks, well my acoustic influences for singing are really different than my heavier screaming/yelling influences. Mama's Broke really inspired me, recently Momma Swift and their politicized lyrics and delivery, Kelly Mcleod, Meredith Moon, Bats in the Belfry, that would be the folky infleunces and for jazz I really resonate with Erykah Badu, Amy Winehouse, The Internet, Kari Faux, and for grunge I would say Slutever, Hole, Dish Pit, Veruca Salt, and many many others!

Aside from your musical projects, you are also a visual artist. What inspired you to take this path and what is your creative process?

I have been getting my hands dirty since I was a child, and originally the plan was to be a tattoo artist professionally. That's a side hustle right now, but I still draw or paint every day. It's a burning need to get it out or I might genuinely explode. It's so embedded in my routine that it's hard to talk about it objectively. Uhm, I have these concepts that are also part of my writing and living that I want to make. I get obsessive and will have phases of drawing one thing or a couple of things themed the same. Recently I finished a series of Trans Beauty, which was a series of femme presenting trans people that had undergone top surgery among flora and fauna that has an Alphonse Mucha style. I'm projecting my desires, fears, passions, and vulnerability on to projects. Sometimes I'm just fucking around, sometimes I'm quite serious.

All your work is obviously inspiring to anybody who would like to get on a stage one day, create visual art, or just be part of a scene, a community, and spread positivy and awareness. What message is important to pass on to future generations you think?

This is all very kind! I'm smiling very hard as I write this because of the compliments slipped in there. Honestly, the need to act upon that which you believe in is something to hold on to. It is an emotional release of all that pent up shit we carry that weigh us down. Don't let that go, it makes you less bitter. Do it for yourself, don't do it for anyone else. Always try to do good for the community that supports you.

On all your flyers, you always mention that this event is taking place on stolen land. Why is it important for you to make this very clear?

Territorial Acknowledgments are essential if you're creating, planning or participating in events anywhere. Acknowledge and educate yourself on colonialism and the trauma it has caused and continues to affect indigenous to this very day. It's the most basic thing every one of any industry should do because we are squatting on stolen land and it is important to be aware of that and address it. Make the space and give it back it to the oppressed, otherwise, stop taking up so much space with your bullshit.

Finally, I wanted to talk about your accident that happened in 2015. You were the victim of a hit and run, and everyone was pretty surprised you got out of this with minor injuries. Can you tell us about it and how do you feel about this now?

I'll start with now. Headaches 4/7 days of the week, sometimes escalating to migraines, I'm also cutting back on drinking so that's quite a bitch to deal with. I can function, though, I have methods to cope with and an incredibly supportive circle of chronic pain bbs to help deal with it. I work with dogs, so that's loud and physically exhausting and then I jam quite often and walk everywhere. I skate, and every time I bail bad it brings up old injuries. My body feels old. It can fucking suck because it wasn't a gradual thing of deteriorating it was like "BAM everything doesn't work right but you look fine sweety go kill it". I have learned to take care of myself and really just appreciate things. Like holy fuck I got a second chance, don't fuck this one up. I am happy about what I have done with my life from there and I got more plans I intend to carry out before I go.

The actual incident, I got to see a video from a security cam from my mechanics shop across the street and it looked like I had died. I flew in the air, did a flip thing and hit the curb/street and didn't move. Being unconscious from the impact when I landed I was limp, not rigid so I've been told that can account for my lack of broken bones. The guy blew a stop sign with a flashing red light, and five people were around.

I was super upset because they had to cut off my super cute outfit which consisted of black velvet high wasted tights I thrifted and a Black Sabbath baseball shirt my dad gave me that had a ridiculous amount of sentimental value. I kept it actually, it had blood on it from my broken nose my dad tried getting out when I was sleeping. I remember trying to convince the guy cutting the shirt that I could just take it off, no biggie, and he gave me a gentle but firm, no.

I was supposed to play with Pussy Stench to open for Dayglo Abortions, then we were supposed to record. My dad and I were supposed to go to see Black Sabbath with a bunch of my friends in Montreal. None of those things really happened and I got really depressed.

It's been 4 years and a bit, and I'm grateful to still be kicking it.